that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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