It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
