you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
