Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
