I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
