Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
