The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
