There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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