it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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