You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
