apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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