I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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