hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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