I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
