It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Im part way to drunk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
