I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
3pm strippers are depressing
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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