Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
