He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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