u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
