I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
