I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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