I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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