Please, let me fuck your mom
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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