He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
