I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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