last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
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I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
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And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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