U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
