so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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