just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize