i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Last time i carry you out of a forest
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
