He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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