her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
