I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
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Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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