No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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