Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
