ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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