Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
