I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
