I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I love you.
Bad choice
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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