You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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