she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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