I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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