I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
