so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
