I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
