Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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