In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
