A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
