Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
