You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
