I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
