Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize