My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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