Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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