The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
