three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
