I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
