went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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