I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
